––––––––   maybe  the  first  time  you  saw  her  you  were  ten.   she  was  standing  in  the  sun  scratching  her  legs.   or  tracing  letters  in  the  dirt  with  a  stick.   her  hair  was  being  pulled.   or  she  was  pulling  someone’s  hair.   &  a  part  of  you  was  drawn  to  her,  &  a  part  of  you  resisted  —  wanting  to  ride  off  on  your  bicycle,  kick  a  stone,  remain  uncomplicated.   in  the  same  breath  you  felt  the  strength  of  a  man,  &  a  self-pity  that  made  you  feel  small  &  hurt.   part  of  you  thought:   please  don’t  look  at  me.   if  you  don’t,  i  can  still  turn  away.   &  part  of  you  thought:   look  at  me.   (  c.  )